Give a penny, take a penny

I guess my most profound moments come when I'm doing the most mundane things.  This moment came whilst standing in the checkout line at the local 7-11, yuppie-bottle of water in hand.  I saw the tray immediately next to the register labeled, "Give a Penny Take a Penny."  And nearly everyone in line ahead of me used that tray to either give or take a penny.


I am often floored by the irony of life sometimes, but this one was probably one of my most monumental "ah-ha!" moments.  I am surrounded daily by folks who are self-absorbed and often too concerned with their own life-trajectory that they never stop to consider how helping others could help them in the long run.  I can't tell you the number of people that have ribbed me for giving so much money to music organizations as donations.  They just don't get it, and it's sad.  I give because it's in my nature and my heart to give.  Those who know me well know that I will give until my last dime is gone, and then I'll find more ways to give.  I give because I know that no matter how well I have it, there are others out there that can benefit from what little gain I have on life.  Giving someone else that one moment of happiness effects me immensely. Give a penny...


My last post reflected on my first real date since the end of my last long relationship.  I found out today that there will be no second date, which was a huge blow to my ego and generally makes me nauseous that I will have to continue with the rather boring and (yes) degrading process of dating.  But the ego blow was over the fact that I wasn't a 30"-waisted, blond Nordic god.  I suppose my life gets in the way of doing 300 sit-ups a day, and preparing 5 healthy meals a day.  I suppose getting an "A" for effort isn't worth a second chance to make a first impression.  But I digress.  The bottom line is that it hurt to hear that I looked -- and I quote, "drop-dead gorgeous 10-15 pounds ago."  Fuck. You.  Frankly, I nearly erupted in tears -- never mind WHY I gained those 10-15 pounds, but to know that someone was so self-absorbed with the "now" to not consider a future with infinite possibilities is beyond me.  Take a penny...mothafucka.



So this is going to be a rant-and-soapbox post, but, the whole game of dating eludes me.  The coy first attraction turns to a decent first date,and then (*crickets*) you never hear from them again.  Or, they are a psychopath.  Or both.  Why can't people just say, upfront, "I'm not interested," or "Sorry, but I just don't think we match"? Instead, they lead you on or say nothing for fear of "hurting you."  I have so many wild, angry thoughts in my mind right now it's hard to structure them for the blog.  But the bottom line is, I just want to date someone nice.  I don't want to plan a wedding; I don't want to talk matching robes; It's too early for clearing out a space in the closet.  Just someone willing to give a penny and take a penny. 


I think I have a lot to offer people (ego talking here), and I guess I sometimes don't read people correctly.  Which brings up a totally different point.  If someone is interested in me, why don't they just say it?  Regardless, finding ways to meet those people aren't easy. I don't think going to the bar, or meeting someone online - even though everyone does it - is the way I want to meet someone.  I suppose this is why so many artists die alone, frustrated and ... dare I say... penniless.