Busy Bee

So yesterday seemed to be gang-up-on-Stuart day, sort of. I have a handful of very close friends who share my busy lifestyle and work-life balance. But I have a few friends who seem to have endless free time on their hands. I am finally at a place where I am happy in nearly every aspect of my life. But...


Yesterday, on several independent occassions, I had a friend or three tell me I was too 'busy.' In all fairness, I believe I DO lead a busy lifestyle (hell, I only do Facebook stuff on my train commute), but I can't quite understand what "TOO" busy means.


Realistically, I work 9-10 hour days, sometimes longer depending on the political season. I (try to) go to the gym several times a week, and I always enforce an hour or so of "me time" to work on personal projects or music every day. The few hours left, I meet friends for dinner or I TRAVEL. Sitting on my ass is not my idea of efficient time management (thus my general disinterest in TV).


That said, I was a little annoyed when I "discovered" from several people that I'm 'too busy.' What does that mean? To me, it's like drawing a conclusion before reading the story. Maybe these friends could ask to PARTICIPATE in my activities, or travel WITH me or HELP me with my projects? God knows I help everyone else (gratis, mind you)!


Maybe it's me being un-yielding, but shouldn't *I* be the judge of how busy I am?

Soap Boxing

1) What is with CVS stores in DC? Seriously, man...


2) As I've aged, I realized what I was running from when I was younger, I am futily trying to get back in my life. I've realized now, that I have to carve out my own piece of the world as it changes rather than trying to reclaim it.


3) I am beyond ecstatic that I get to spend time and travel with my sister-in-law while I introduce her to Europe for the first time in October.


4) I desparately want to start my own business.


5) I have found the coolest alternative to the traditional gym: Snap Fitness. I LOVE this place!


6) The older I get, the more like my grandfather I am, with the same traits, personality, drive, attitude, and... faults.


7) It astounds me that we are STILL getting press about Michael Jackson. I feign to think if Teddy Kennedy will still be getting press months after his funeral. Wow, the priorities of some people, I will never understand. I really don't want to sound insesitive, but outside of his family, is it really any of our business what the chemical make-up of his blood was when he died? I am sure it included formaldyhide. I need to be more cool, I guess.


8) Whatever happened to Lynda Carter?


9) I want to be The Green Lantern for Halloween.


10) I am tired of battling my weight. I think it's time I focus more on health than beauty.

Wandering

I've had a lot of time to collect my thoughts, lately, and felt like sharing some of them. They are quite random, but gives me an avenue to help make sense of the chaos:

1) "Friends" have been on my mind lately. Not a particular one, but generally. I've been thinking a lot about what a "friend" is, or should be to me.


2) I've noticed that as crowds in public places increase, acknowledgement of that fact by each individual decreases. People tend to care less that they cut you off, run over you feet, push you, or respect you when there is a crowd around.


3) When my mind is made up, I commit. Until then, I procrastinate.


4) Anyone who knows me well enough, knows I am open and tolerant of almost anything, and I believe most anything can be rectified with good VERBAL (face-to-face) communication. However, the one and only thing I can't (won't) tolerate is lying. When I find out someone has lied to me, after I have placed complete trust in them, I will never trust them again. There is no second chance, and you do not get to "pass go." If I catch you in the lie, I won't tell you. I firmly believe lying will come back to haunt your dreams and future, and that gives me solace.


5) God, I love riding the train every day.


6) My life has been drastically altered in 2009. Enough already! All my life I have been the "enabler" with little care for any reciprocation. Like with a basket of apples, when you give and share all you have, and get nothing in return, you go home hungry.


7) The ridiculous political wrangling over the healthcare system is taking a very serious issue and making it trivial. Having no, or inadequate healthcare is NOT trivial. And seriously.. "Death Panel"?? Do you honestly believe the feds would do that? And if you do, I urge you to read the proposed plans (from BOTH sides of the aisle) without news or media commentary. You'll find they are spinned so much by the media and pundits and politicos that you'll (hopefully) never listen to them again. Educate youself, people, and don't let others tell you what to think. You ARE a grown-up.(PS - I have worked for both Blue Cross AND HHS.. I think I have a little more credibilily than Palin for understanding BOTH sides of the issue. She QUIT serving the public altogether.. hmmm.)


8) I think mountain streams and rivers kick major ass!


9)I think this whole iPhone thing (despite my feelings toward Apple) is cute, but the public is being taken by sensational marketing and glam. It will end, and not pleasantly, I fear. I can't explain, but something's a-brewin'.


10) We Americans work FAR too much (me included) and explore far too little. How dichotomous from our past!

Being Alive

I've had a roller-coaster weekend, and a flood of song lyrics have come to mind that are helping me get through the emotions - this is the recurring set that won't let go:


From "Company":


Somebody, hold me too close,
Somebody, hurt me too deep,
Somebody, sit in my chair
And ruin my sleep
And make me aware
Of being alive.


Somebody, need me too much,
Somebody, know me too well,
Somebody, pull me up short
And put me through hell
And give me support
For being alive,
Make me alive.


Make me confused,
Mock me with praise,
Let me be used,
Vary my days.
But alone is alone,
not alive.


Somebody, crowd me with love,
Somebody, force me to care,
Somebody, make me come through,
I'll always be there,
As frightened as you,
To help us survive
being alive!

I saw tomorrow (a poem)

I saw tomorrow, and it was grand.
Without today, it lay unbound and free
to wander my mind and agree.


I saw tomorrow, and it was sad.
With tethers born in restraint
and desire and need.


I saw tomorrow, and it was blessed.
With love long past still
in my head.


I saw tomorrow, and it was dead.
With fear and waste, it fought
to live.


I saw tomorrow, and it was loved.
With passion never seen, it fell
in the arms of someone who cared.


I saw tomorrow, and it was new.
Clothed in warmth, it sang
new songs of renewal and hope.


I saw tomorrow, and it was gone.


(written to approach my thoughts of a bright new future while dealing with feelings of abandonment and need for companionship)

Blabber mouth

So, as a very loose follow-up to my earlier note, 'You Have Got to be Joking...,' I felt compelled to tell a story. Numbers 10 and 11 in that note were the result of an incident I had on MARC (a DC commuter train). During rush hour that train line is packed tighter than a Labor Day shoe sale at Macy's and you can't be choosy with seats. I ended up next to a pair of ladies, clearly federal employees who were already entrenched in conversation.


Admittedly, one of the ladies felt compelled to keep her voice hushed and limit her end of the conversation to less-that-five-word comments. (And we appreciate her for that!)


But no... her friend, with one of those annoying, shrill voices that always sounds like she's complaining (even if she isn't), proceeded to give a tell-all of every possible topic that entered her cranial lobes and spewed it forth in one, loud stream of unbearable consciousness.


Being the ever-attentive observer I am, I grabbed my trusty phone and hastily typed a recount of her monologue. Below are my notes... direct from that Horse's mouth. Since she felt it necessary that our whole train car know the topic of conversation, I figured it must be important enough to share with all of you on facebook! Here goes (my personal comments in parentheses):


She has 2 children.

She works in a cubical.

She recently had a prank pulled on her where her work phone was encased in rubber bands. (this is our tax dollars at work, folks!)

She segments her friends into three distinct groups: mothers, friends from college, and friends of her husband. (so sad)

She is pregnant and leaving work on maternity leave in a week. (I didn't notice!)

She had Thanksgiving at home only with her own family because her dining room only seats 15 people. (ONLY!)

Her husband's family is all from Maryland.

She recently had a mysterious set of wires left on her desk at work. (I believe is was a hint to wire her trap shut!)

Her coworker recently wore a pirate costume to work (odd for January?) that included a foam gun that got thru security. (Well, Duh! Foam!)

A guy rushed the security in her building (I thought you only rushed sororities??)

When her building has bomb threats, they put multiple babies in a crib and wheel them out together. (Interesting, but I still didn't give a sh*t.)

She works in the Marshall Judicial Building (so?)

The ID checks in her building's security require them to view and TOUCH the ids! (ew! But I still don't give a sh*t)

She is always stopped at security because she has metal tipped heels (HELLO! Pregnant!)

----

This went on for half an hour. I nearly ran over people trying to get off that train.

Defining Moments

I couldn't sleep, as usual, and had this topic on my mind lately. I wanted to get it written down, and perhaps it may connnect with you in some way. There are moments that were very defining in my life. Some were inspirational, some were sad, and some were frightening. But they all made me the person I am:

- Watching the sun set behind the Twelve Apostles in Australia. More than anything, this has been the single most inspirational point in my life... more than anyone can imagine. I want my ashes spread there. (for photos, see below)

- The days my mother and father died. I was never that close to them, but I have felt more lonely since. (One of the many things that feed my abandonment feelings.)

- The day I left my hometown of Lumberton, NC to live in Germany. Those two years were the turning point of my life. It was truly a Godsend.

- The day I completed my first marathon. That was a goal that took hard work and self-motivation. I also thought I wouldn't live to see the next day! I have since done three more.

- The first night I saw the WW II memorial in DC. I can't put my finger on this one, as to why, but it touches me, and the water fountains are exceptionally calming. Go on a hot, arid night - spectacular!

- The day I brought my cat, Jacob, home for the first time. As every pet owner knows, that unconditional love is un-matched.

- The moment I saw my first coral reef in Bonaire on my first SCUBA trip. Breathtaking...

- A quiet moment I stood alone at the bow of a cruise ship in the dark hours of the morning. It was worth the whole trip for those few moments.

- The first concert I sang at the Kennedy Center.

- The day my mother told me she had cancer.

- The moment I discovered what 'religion' means to me.

- The ferry ride at dusk, returning from Alcatraz to the wharf in San Francisco.

- The quiet moment, just at dusk, when the mist settled on the mountainside at a lodge I was staying in the Smokies.

- The first meal I had with Joe at the mall in Chapel Hill, NC. He had a bigger impact on my life than he probably knows, now.

You have GOT to be joking...

1. People who wait until all their items are tallied and bagged before pulling out their wallet to hunt for money or a credit card should be quartered and hung to dry.

2. Those people who consistently choose the locker immediately next to me, when the locker room is completely empty (or close to it) need to learn a lesson about personal space.

3. A turn signal on the common auto was invented by Oscar J. Simler in 1929. After 90 years, you would think the American public would learn how to use them.

4. I grew up in North Carolina where I was taught (through osmosis) that people North of Rocky Mount, NC are "yankees and can't drive." It wasn't until I moved to DC and experienced driving in the area that I realized I was taught correctly.

5. Customer service ended with the invention of the personal computer.
(5a. "The system" and its up, down or sideways status is no excuse for a service employee's ignorance or laziness.)

6. I realized, dusting off my piano this weekend, that of the 88 keys, there are about 15-20 that are never touched. (Time to pull out Rachmoninov!)

7. During the same dusting experience, I realized dust can attach itself to the BOTTOM of anything.

8. I learned this week (through experience) that windshield wiper fluid that is "safe down to 20-below," isn't.

9. How many buttons must one push, levers must one lift, and choices must one make before a gas pump actually pumps gas?

10. Why, on a crowded commuter train, must there always be ONE person who talks so loudly, all other conversations must cease?

11. Why, for that same individual, is their conversation inevitably and unbearably boring?

12. Why are your favorite undershorts always in the laundry?


...maybe I'll add to these later...