Well, my pets — it has been a long 4-ish years since my departure from the District, and a huge amount of "stuff" has occurred. Back in early 2007, I took a long, hard look at my life and started a critical analysis of my life's direction. I had a decent job, I had a home in a great location, I had some money saved up and invested, I had friends who were close to me, and I had a slow, but steady love life. But, something was gnawing at me, and inwardly, I was a bitter, challenged 30-something that had no real place to go. I was, in a word, stagnant.
For those of you that know me, stagnant is not the word most folks would use to describe me. Outwardly, I was restless, motivated and driven, but inwardly I was lonely, frustrated and quick to judge. I knew something needed to change, I just wasn't sure what.
What I did know was that some of the mundane things about DC life were driving me to insanity, and I longed for some space to spread my wings. The things I loved about DC were becoming outweighed by the few things I hated. I couldn't see the forest for the trees, and my frustration was turning me into a rather mean person.
In October of that year, I started working with a personal trainer and turning my physical life around. I met someone who distracted me from DC and introduced me to the possibility of a life away from what I felt was making me the mean person I was becoming. With a new body and a renewed sense of self, I went out of my comfort zone and gave up my home, friends and social circle in DC and moved to Maryland. I put my trust and money into a life I hoped would last, despite all the signs and friends who told me it wouldn't (stubbornness is a trait). Two years later, it all ended - and with a great deal of bitterness on many fronts. I had emptied my savings while living a lie of happiness that I refused to admit, and I hated myself for it. At the end of that whole episode, I had no one to blame but myself. But, if there was anything I could learn from this experience was how to take a giant leap of faith — a giant first step of trust, hoping that the ground was solid when I landed. I also learned what to do when the ground wasn't as solid as I thought...
Anyway, I still wasn't going to give up on the dreams I had left, and with no money to go back to DC, I took another blind step and bought a house in Maryland. This new adventure would afford me the opportunity to start my music studio and other goals I had for myself. At that time, though, I had gained significant weight, and was feeling mentally and physically defeated. I needed something to focus my attention.
So, I turned to my life-long passion to start my own business. I had always wanted to start a wellness center and wanted to start training myself, first, to see if that field was really what I wanted to do. At a minimum, I would learn a trade that I could fall back on if things got dicey. I started massage therapy school.
That was a year ago, and I have to say it has been one long and stressful year. A full-time job, a commute, and full-time school has been very tough. But in two days I graduate, and I plan to celebrate — not at the graduation ceremony, but with a drink and dinner with two people who have supported me through this process.
A couple months ago, I was introduced to the possibility of franchising a business. I would almost instantly be able to meet my ambitious goal of owning my business. But the more I thought about it, and the more they told me the financial requirements, I'm not sure it is right for me. I would lose my identity, and take another leap of faith that, like the others, would strip me of what makes me, me.
The best thing for me, now, is to refocus. I have taken enough blind steps. What would make me happy? What would help me re-establish myself financially? Do I want instant gratification or long-term stability? My next step, my friends, might appear drastic, but I guarantee you it will not be a doosey.
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