So today I received a pretty devastating blow to my pride when I learned that I was, indeed, not a "real" Hayes. A good portion of my last few years has been devoted to researching my family history and bloodlines back as far as possible. I have been quite proud of my Scottish heritage and have been diligent about learning as much as I can about my past. I guess I have a strong need to identify with something that was inherently me, and I actually "felt" the connection I had with my family's heritage. Those who know me well also know that I wore my family name with pride and defended my history like a true Scot.
I have been in the process of dropping my first name legally, and was posing some ideas of what to use as my middle name to my brothers over the last week. When the idea of using my mother's maiden name (Hayes) came up, my brother explained to me that we weren't really Hayeses. It seems my great grandfather Hayes was born out of wedlock and took the name of his step-father. The family had never really spoken about it, and few actually knew.
As the blood drained from my face and my ego, pride and general Scottish aura were being stripped from my identity, I just sort of stared at the words my brother had written. The Scottish clan cry, "A hay! A hay! A hay!" were fading and my identity felt like it had been stolen. The one thing "permanent" that I could claim without reserve has, in one short sentence, been plucked from my genes and it left a very, very big void. I can't blame the situation - my great grandfather couldn't help it and I'm still a proud member of my family, but it brings a new perspective to things one blindly believes and cherishes without question.
I have to admit that I was a little tear-filed when I started responding to my brother. So, now I am still left without a middle name as well as an identity. It will take me a while to take all this one in. But one thing being part of the Hayes clan did teach me was their endearing motto, meaning to charge forward and persevere: Keep the yoke! That, my dear friends, I will do.
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Your identity is your own, just choices you make in life are your own.
ReplyDeleteAlso, regardless of your blood lineage, your great-grandfather was a Hayes, raised by a Hayes, making you a Hayes through and through.
PS - Why do you think I hyphenated? Proud bearer of the name ALLGOOD!
I agree with Stacey, what makes you is yourself!
ReplyDeleteAnd it sounds like, genetically, you are a Hayes no matter what the name was.
I learned the value of a name when my oldest sister got married and my parents told her she was family no matter what she was called.
Feel blessed that you know that history, Stuart, regardless of it's source. Family doesn't have to mean blood.
ReplyDeleteMy surname is Evans which is Scottish, but being black and looking damn near white in America, I'll never know if that name was acquired from a slave owner or from someone who actually loved one of my ancestors. Nonetheless, I embrace it dearly and took the time to look up that name in while in Scotland to learn more of it's history. Embrace who you are regardless of the name. BTW, I dropped my first name too, so I feel your pain in trying to find a suitable middle name. But it was a bit easier for me, I just made my maiden name my middle to hold on to that heritage.